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DEPRESSION PART 3:

Odhiambo A Banker Gives A Story Of Hope And How He Conquered.

It all started when i was suspended from my work place, at that time i was financing a LOAN i had taken up for my POST GRADUATE studies which was being financed by my salary.

Suspension was until further notice, and the further notice have never been since then. 
This came as a real shocker for me as most of the allegations were not true that led to my suspension, i was so bitter about it. I had not anticipated that one day the only source of income i had would close one day and i will be left with no income.

At that time i was the SOLE BREAD WINNER with a young family and now there is no money coming in, the school loan i had taken started getting into arrears and pressure started piling up from the bank. At this time i did not want to disclose to MY FAMILY what was happening to me and therefore i started borrowing from friends, i had a number of them who were doing well financially and they knew that i had the capacity to repay them, therefore they would lend me as much as they could but a lot of the money went into repaying my loan at the bank and some settling my households bills.

At that time i was still in denial and i kept thinking that i will get my job back.

GOOD NEWS: 2ND JOB
Fortunately after like two months, i was called in for a job that was paying well but the job did not go for more than three months, the contract was terminated prematurely ( a story for another day) and this is where my problems began.

I was in denial again and i started asking myself so many questions, i even didn’t tell MY WIFE that my contract had been terminated. I would wake up in the morning as usual and then go to town and hang around till evening. All along my wife thought i was still ok till the end of the month when the rent invoice came and i could not afford to raise the entire amount, i didn’t know how to explain to her that i have lost the new job.

FAMILY SHOCKER:
I was not at peace and so many other things were falling apart in my life. some of my friends who had lent me their money started getting impatient as i could not refund them the money as agreed. I blocked their contacts from reaching me, those who knew my wife contacted her and that is when i told my wife what happened.

DISCLOSURE:
She cried the whole night as she could not understand why i failed to disclose to her about the job loss yet i was faking it for a month. I opened up to her why i thought it was not important to disclose to her at that time. I felt like part of me was dead, my heart was in pain , the following day i hid myself in the bedroom as i didn’t have the guts to face my wife and i think that is where JOURNEY TO DEPRESSION BEGUN.

GOOD NEWS 3RD JOB:
i got another job that ended shortly after another three months. ( story for another day).

I was again on the streets heartbroken, MY SELF ESTEEM had gone,DEBTS were piling up,LOST FRIENDS and RELATIVES especially those i owed money and i was unable to pay back. I used to scroll all my contacts and send texts to all the people who cared to read my messages, requesting for money as bills were pending for me. Out of almost 50 texts sent, only like 1 reply would come through.

RUN AWAY FRIENDS:
Most people started avoiding me and this broke me apart, i felt like i was in a desert, life seemed to make no sense to me. I felt like no one cared about me.

RUNNING AWAY FROM GOD:
All through this tough period i had stopped going to church and would opt to stay in bed the entire day.

HEALING AND RECOVERY:
My healing journey started when one day we were kicked out of the house due to rent arrears. It was the WORST EXPERIENCE, being sent out of my house with MY WIFE AND DAUGHTER. 
For once I CRIED as i looked at a HELPLESS wife and daughter, i felt a FAILED MAN and here MY DIGNITY was being put NAKED in the eyes of MY NEIGHBOUR HOOD.

OPENING UP MY HEART:
I say this was the beginning because the house we went to seek refuge became my healing pool. We spoke a lot about life and i started opening up with the family on what was happening to me, as we shared i also sent a number of texts to some few people about our being kicked out of the house.

HELP AFTER SHARING MY ORDEAL:
They in turn spoke to some other friends and for once i saw people respond in ways i couldn’t fathom. Within one night some other people i had contacted managed to raise 90% of the rent arrears that i had. I started feeling different, it’s like all along my help was just next door, there were people who were willing to help.

I started thinking the many times i asked for soft loans from the same people that i was unable to pay back.

GOD SPEAKETH:
God started speaking to me about EZEKIEL 37 and JOHN 11.
DEPRESSION comes as a result of losing HOPE, you become like the ISRAELITES when they had lost HOPE and they looked like the dry bones., but the beauty of all is that God uses his people to speak and PROPHESY to you.

LESSONS:
I have learnt to speak out what’s in my heart, i stopped thinking what others SAY or THINK about me, if i don’t have i take easy, i ask for HELP when in NEED, i CRY if i am OVERWHELMED,I STOPPED PRETENDING that all is WELL when the opposite is true.

PARTING SHOT:
Lastly God taught me about seasons as recorded in ECLESSIATATES 3, someSEASONS must come in your life, but they come to prepare you for the NEXT SEASON

. For WINTER to come there must be SUMMER
.
Lastly, i am not at my best in what i want to achieve now but i know that my life is never the same again.

SHARING IS CARING:

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